I can't believe how insensitive, blunt, rude, ___________(insert nasty adjective) some people can be! Here's what happened:
We went to the ward potluck dinner on Friday night. We walked into the cultural hall and Bro. ____________(insert adjective from above) came up and shook Kelly's hand, pointed to his belly and said, "Looks like you've put on some weight."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHAT KIND OF GREETING IS THAT? It was totally insensitive, blunt, rude and ____________(insert nasty adjective)! I almost said something to him right then, but of course I didn't and now I wish I had.
I'm so angry I don't even know what else to say about it. Comments?
17 comments:
Are you kidding me? I am so sorry that this happened to your husband. I would be furious too. Wendy, do you need some peanut butter pie? I can bring it over right now!! :)
I'm sure peanut butter pie would make me feel much better!
Hmmnnnn......I think I would say, Wow! Brother so and so, you must NOT have read the Dale Carnegy book on "How to win friends and influence people"!
How rude and stupid. I would have been like you though, not said anything and wished I would have later on when I had the chance to stew about it.
Tell Kelly he's a hottie and not to listen to it! Brother so and so must have issues!
Go eat some peanut butter pie and give Kelly a big piece!
give him the proverbial finger. some people have NO COOTH! my favotie comeback when i cut my hair people asked me "what made you decide to do THAT?!" i said, "ah, just a case of headlice." shut them up AND put them in their place!
Dang girl, I'm so sorry to hear about that. I agree with everyone else- should've given the guy a taste of his own nasty medicine. Or you could have just innocently said back to him, "really? I was just thinking that same about you." Tell Kelly I'd take him over any other man at church (excluding my own!) - I happen to think he's great and the most fun! Hope you know how much we love you two!
I love our ward. You ladies are so sweet!!
Wow..some people have no tact at all. I can't believe how rude that person is! Yikes! Did you get a peanut butter pie from Rachel?
totally up for the TPing payback
Let's ALL go TP his house!
Isn't it funny...most men are always the LAST to notice a new hair cut, color, new outfits, clean sheets, or even lost weight but gain a few lb's and look out!
While I appreciate the suggestion to "forgive and forget," one cannot understand the harm such statements can cause without knowing the background, experiences and scars the recipient has. Such seemingly innocent statements can be quite hurtful. The fact that someone shakes your hand at church does not soften the blow, for this is a culture where such greetings are commonplace. Would it be any different if I shook your hand and said, "Gee, you have have a lot of zits today"? "Wow, you put on way too much makeup and it makes you look ugly!"
Even if we are thinking that, we should just keep it to ourselves, don't you think? The statement made was not just hurtful to us; there were others around us commented that it was inappropriate and insensitive.
I think the whole point of Wendy's blog is that we need to be more sensitive with regards to the statements we make to others. We do not know what struggles and issues other people are going through. I have heard more church talks where we are told, "Don't take offense," than I have, "Don't offend." No, it is not healthy to hold grudges and not forgive. But to discount harmful statements while preaching repentance to the offended is a little self-righteous.
oh my.. I am glad to know it wasn't me or my husband. I am overly blunt OFTEN and so this scares me as I tend to offend people with my mouth. I feel so bad this happened. I am racking my brains as to who could have said that.
actually, on more thought...to someone like me who is VERY open, i need to understand another perspective. Why is it ok to say, "WOW, you look great, did you lose weight?" but not ok to say "WOW, you gained weight.." Essentially, you are saying in the first statement, "you didn't look good until you lose weight?" or "you put effort into losing weight" acknowledging they were in fact in need of losing weight. For me, I honestly don't understand the secret behind the weight conversations or hiding of the numbers? Truth is, we all have eyes. We can all see who is overweight and who is not, so why do we protect the subject and dance around sensitivity? I am open about my weight, so I don't understand this mystery. As of yesterday, I weighed 143.4, June 2007 I loved weighing 132... my goal would be to get to 129 because i like that number, but sometimes it is more fun to eat with the family than to suffer while they eat yummy food. SO clearly, you can all tell I have gained weight since I got married. SO, back to what is and is not allowed to say? Equal parallel to me...the sex subject.. Funny how as married people we don't talk about our sex lives but it intrigues me that you can loudly announce you are 6 weeks pregnant.. I mean, we all know we as couples have sex and we all know where babies come from, so interesting to me that we tread on the sex subject as if we aren't all doing it? SO, back to the weight thing... again, should we not tell people they look good when they lose weight or when they were skinnier? I always feel that I want to help motivate people by letting them know I notice these details. Why does an observation have to be an insult? Troy gained 10 lbs on our honeymoon and within 4 days of it could barely snap his pants for a particular dinner out. We laugh at it, we know he gained the weight so why hide the topic? This whole post subject now scares me because I am just an open person.. so on behalf of me, please forgive this guy that offended you because I can guarantee I have offended some of you with my open mouth but I think you all still love me anyhow. CHIME in to me if any of you are still reading this comment.
This isn't about whether Kelly or anybody else is fat or not, or whether he/they know(s) it, or whether he /they look(s) good.
It's not nice or socially acceptable to point out the negative like that. If a person has lost weight, it is entirely appropriate to compliment them on their hard work and tell them they are looking good. And of course it is great to compliment anyone if they look nice. But to tell someone that they have gained weight to their face is rude. What purpose does it serve other than to say that you've noticed their flaws. It's like if someone has discolored teeth and you said, "Gee, your teeth look awful," or pointing out that someone's complexion is troubled, "Boy, you have a lot of zits." Maybe those things are true but they don't need to be pointed out.
I don't consider it to be the same thing if Troy gains a few pounds and he gets ribbed by close friends or relatives. I'm talking about someone we barely know, out of the blue essentially coming up and saying, "You're fat." He might as well have said, "You're ugly and disgusting."
This is not about whether anyone should lose weight either. Of course we know we should lose weight. Of course we know we would look and feel better if we did. We all battle our own demons and don't need anyone to point them out to us. It's just rude and thoughtless.
As an aside.....
I lost about 90 + pounds a few years ago. Sadly, I found them again. :)
I don't intend to keep them, but one thing I would say is that it made me VERY VERY VERY uncomfortable when people were constantly commenting, although everything they said was very kind and complimentary, I felt on display and did not want to be viewed, and looked at, and sized up, even for the good.
The fact is that it is personal.
Too personal to be up for comment from someone who does not know you.
I don't mind if its someone who I know cares about me, but some schmuck on the fly is not appropriate.
ok, those additional comments help me sort through my perspective and re-focus. Thank you! Unfortunately for Troy, (a private person), he married me.. (a very unprivate person). I will be sure I don't say anything like, "looks like you have put on some weight".. to anyone. BUT feel free to say whatever you like to me because it keeps me motivated to know what other people think of me, my appearance and my character. SO, just understand there are different kinds of people out there and if someone said that to me, I would not care because I should probably only care what me and my husband think about our bodies. Make sense? Please assure me that my inquiries are ok in this format. I am not trying to be rude by asking for more perspective. Is this rude?
Great commentaries Ladies! I agree, we have some nice folks in our ward minus the the person this story is about!! Whoever Grease Monkey is, I totally agree with you. If I hear one more stupid talk about not being offended easily, I think I'll get up an walk out of whatever meeting I'm in. Grease Monkey said it well. Just because we are not supposed to offend easily does not negate the fact that we all have feelings. I'm a sensitive person and would rather hear positive comments about myself/appearance/character than something negative. Sometimes I think people are just thoughtless and don't stop to think before the open their mouths. Really, the best way to gauge yourself is to ask yourself, what would the Savior do? I know that sounds a little cliche, but I think if he were in the room with us all, we'd want to say only things that would be kind and loving as that was his example. I agree w/ the other posts above but also appreciate Scheris's comments and realize I could have thicker skin at times and to not take offense easily. Lots to be learned from here but to sum it up, that was a rude and stupid comment and I still love Kelly and think he's a hottie. Hottie's are not just hotties because of their outward appearance, it's what's inside that makes or break a hottie! How may hotties have you seen and then you get to know their character or actions and then you are thinking they are not that much of a hottie anymore? Just eye candy, that's all. Kelly's a TRUE hottie! We love you and Wendy!
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